Cross Cultural Tips

"No" is a Problem
Better to accept and avoid misunderstandings

Many years ago, Andy from United Kingdom visited Thailand for a holidays. He stayed with a Thai family of a close friend and things went very well.

The family took good care of him. In fact, the hospitality shown was beyond the British standard and he was sometimes irritated by the attentiveness shown by his hosts.

One night, before he went to bed, he was playing the piano in the living room when the head of family came over and asked: "Andy, Would you like to have coffee, tea or a cup of milk?"

Andy politely declined: "Oh don't worry, I am fine. I do not want any drink. Thank you"

............
About five minutes later, a cup of English tea was served by the maid. Andy did not say anything but he did not drink the tea, since his habit was not to have any drink before going to bed. The Thai man who was the head of the family was a little disappointed because he took Andy's reaction to be a rebuff. Andy was a little annoyed because he thought that the host had not understood his English!!

But behind the scenes was another story...

When Andy said that he was fine and that he did not want anything, the host understood Andy's English perfectly. But in our culture, when someone offers us services, we have to show good manners. The Thai host thought that Andy might have wanted a cup of tea but was just being courteous (เกรงใจ).

Another reason is our culture is big on hospitality. We have a motto: "When serving food to monks, don't ask. (ตักบาตรอย่าถามพระ)" -- In our Buddhist society, every morning the monks walk to people's homes. People show kindness by offering them food. Thais always say not to ask the monk what food he prefers as monks cannot be selective about what they eat. Whatever is edible and offered, the monks is obliged to accept, whether it is appropriate to offer foods or help. Thus in Andy's case, we can see that our over-hospitable nature may create misunderstanding.

Next time, if a Thai offers you something without you asking, don't be surprised. The suggestion is to accept it and thank the person for their hospitality.

(Story by: Kriengsak Niratpattanasai)